This has been a controversial topic since ages. There is no absolute definition of hitting in parenting. Hitting can be forcefully pushing the child away, grabbing the child tightly, slapping her hard, slightly spanking, punching, burning, locking her up or abusing her?
Consequences of hitting the child
- First and foremost when someone raises a hand on the innocent child, the child will start hating the hitter and will try to stay away from him. As parents, people take advantage of the gullibility of the child because where will the child go if she doesn’t like her parents? This thinking is a mistake. Child will always remember that her parents took advantage of her helplessness and someday she will reciprocate too.
- Hitting can cause more mental damage than physical damage. An active and cheerful child can also become resentful and depressed if she stays in an abusive environment.
Hitting can make an active kid go in depression!!! - Most of the people when hit the child they take it for granted that they would not receive it back as the child is young and feeble. How long will the child be in the same situation someday she will gain strength and can reciprocate in the fashion she has been dealt with!
- A depressed or stressed child can take wrong actions. Either harming herself or society.
Discipline is just an excuse!
All the parents who hit their children give one single excuse for their action – Discipline. Discipline is the last thing child learns from getting hit. Many a time’s kids are so small that they fail to understand the mistake they did to be treated in such a fashion. At this junction this act sends out a message that the powerful one can anytime abuse the weaker one (even without her mistake). These kind of kids grow up to become big Bullies.
In many instances the kids become “Punching bags” for their elders. If you are angry on your boss, colleague, relative or in-laws go and spank the kid on smallest possible mistake. This is a just a way of venting out your anger. The child doesn’t learn discipline in this situation instead, it sends out a message to the kid, that, if you are angry you can adhere to violence. These kind of kids can never accept rejections. They go to any extent of raping, sexual abusing, or for that matter murdering the person who rejected them just to vent out their anger.
How to discipline your child
Sometimes it is necessary to discipline a child. People who pamper their kids rotten, hearing and accepting every wish of the child, also repent their behavior. So what is the perfect way of disciplining a child?
I have a daughter who is 2 years old now. I don’t say that I have never ever raised my hand on her, I have. Whenever I have taken the step, first of all I ask myself a few questions;
Am I angry?
What message is going across by this action of mine?
Is she going to learn from this slap?
Most of the times I stop because I understand that hitting is not going to help her understand her mistake. Usually if she is not listening to my instruction I wait for her cranky mood to set aside and later I ask her to do the same thing and she does it the same way as desired.
I and my husband have an arrangement. Since I am always there with my daughter she loves me too much to not hate me. So I am the one who disciplines her, he never ever touches her and only pampers.
At times she does some actions which are completely unacceptable like snatching food from her friend, hitting someone elder, showing anger on someone without any reason then I slightly pat her cheek. Being aware that I don’t hit her hard. She rushes to her dad when he gets back home and complains about me. So she always has a person to go and complain to. He then loves her, pampers her, and later makes her understand her mistake and tells her that her action was uncalled for. That’s it. The chapter is closed.
There always has to be a person the child should go and cuddle. She should feel welcomed and warm and that person can only make her realize her mistake. This is the best way to discipline a child.
beingmommie.com 
My mother just hit me with the “spare the rod, spoil the child” the other day. She said it was right because it’s in the Bible. I told her cutting off hands, beheading, and sodomy were in the Bible, too, but they’re no longer socially acceptable. Needless to say, that was an interesting conversation. My husband and I are guilty of spanking our youngest because she can be quite determined, but at the end of the day, that just makes the situation worse. Thank you for this post. I needed it.
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If i can convince at least one parent to stop hitting their children then i will think that i have succeeded in my endeavor…thanks for understanding and please don’t hit little angels😇😇😇😃
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I just hug her really tightly now and tell her how much we love her and how her actions are hurting us. She seems to respond to that better… most times. Lol. Sometimes, she could care less. But she’s 4 so in her mind, the world revolves around her. *sigh* gotta love her
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Happy parenting dear😍😍😍
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Wow. Lots I agree with and some I’d like to think more about. But thats what makes the world go round and good thought provoking blogs like this. Let me say I absolutely agree with no hitting of any kind. I never have and never will hit my kids – for many of the reasons stated above. But I’m not sure you can say that a child who has been smacked will hate their parents. I and I’m probably sure many of my generation were smacked as kids. I don’t agree it was right but it has not left me hating my parents – I love them dearly. But then that might be me. Interested in having one parent as the person who disciplines and the other doesn’t. We both discipline and set boundaries but do it consistently and in an agreed way. Non hitting but to show there are consequences to their actions. Hopefully we also use enough hugs, love and chats that they understand they can talk and giggle with us both about things. That said I’m going to also say if there is one thing I’ve learned as a parent of two I certainly don’t have the answers or get it right always so really interested in your blog as made me think and it has some really interesting things to say. Something else for people to consider and maybe comment is that mental abuse can be just as bad as physical in cases.
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Thank you so much for feedback dear😃.. By this post i am not saying that if you hit your kids all these
things will happen, because every child is different. But it can happen. The scenario in which we grew up was very different from today. Today’s kids are very smart and fast and can misunderstand and judge their parents too. I totally agree there should be more hugs, love and chats. Cheers 😃😍🍻🍻🍻
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Loved your post. I can totally relate, I grew up in a very strict family. In my culture, hitting kids is kinda common, my mom often did that when I couldn’t ace my test. That scarred me for life I think.
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Let bygone be bygone dear… But please don’t support this culture atleast not with your kids or future kids 😊 someone has to stand up against the wrong, why not you👍👍👍
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During grad school, we were taught there was a difference between “punishment,” and, “discipline.”
Discipline is meant to teach a child, through a lesson of “cause and effect,” and teach them consequences to behavior (both positive or negative consequences. Punishment, on the other hand, is a forceful assertion of one person’s will on another, with no lesson being learned.
I cringed when I saw your subtitle with the little girl cowering from the belt, where you reference, “discipline (hitting)…” Hitting is not discipline – it is punishment.
That said, parenting styles should be respected – and, there is a definite difference between “hitting,” and a, “pop on the butt.” A pop on the butt can be gentle, like your light tap on your daughter’s cheek.
Those are just my thoughts as I read your article. I 100% agree, as both a professional and a parent, that a parent needs to assess WHY they are going to discipline – and if they are disciplining, are they wanting to teach a lesson, or assert their parental will? Because to teach a lesson will (hopefully) drive the response of a parent into choosing a less-physical form of discipline, instead of the physical form of punishment.
Just my thoughts!
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Thank you so much for your feedback dear…I respect your point of view, at the end of the day we both are trying to stop violence against children, punishments which can have adverse effects on their personalities. Isn’t it?
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I agree! That definitely is the end goal – ending violence against children. For me, that includes emotional violence as well, which can, at times, have a more serious impact on a child’s personality.
But, I can go on all day! 😃
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Yes dear totally it us a very deep topic😀😀😀🍻
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Beautiful piece. I can’t wait to be a mommy. But this is so needed in living with my niece and growing with her.
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Thank you so much dear😃
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I may be unpopular with my opinion, but I straddle the fence. I was hit as a child, not often, but it didn’t make me be the bully nor did it make me reject my mother and have extreme problems with rejections. I was raped, molested and sexually assaulted by different men in my life. Are we saying that they were probably hit and that’s why they did it to me? Then why didn’t I do it to others?
I am a mother to a soon to be 8 year old son and I have spanked him a total of 3 times in his life. It has pained me to do so, but I do believe that you should spank (not abuse) sparingly if you choose. I choose to use my words to talk and teach rather than hit first. I actually raised my voice a couple of weeks ago and he was more hurt about that. He said, “You never raise your voice at me.” That bothered him more.
It’s a slippery road that I see both sides, but I try to talk to him before every putting my hands on him because my fear is that he will not remember my hands for all the tickles, hugs and back rubs but rather the fear that they caused him.
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Yes dear that’s what my point is. Kids can remember their parents hitting them, conveniently forgetting the hugs and kisses. You too remember being hit!!! Nevertheless i never said that if you abuse or hurt your child then he will surely become a bully or a assaulter. No. I mean it can have that effect on the child, and believe me it surely can. Every child is different. And you never know may be yes the people who assaulted you may be victims of bad parenting. I agree with you that it is slippery road and our destination is to raise good citizens. Spanking is not bad as i have mentioned in the post too, i also rarely use it. But dialogue is better any day…
Thank you for your feedback dear😊
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Aww, thank you for your kind response. You would be surprised at the number of people who would have responded in hate. I truly appreciate it. You’re right though, they may have been as a result of bad parenting. I remember the spankings, but I don’t remember the love so I tend to raise my son differently. Lots of positive affirmations, loves, hugs and kisses. I just want him to be a good citizen. Thanks again for your wonderful response.
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You are most welcome dear😃.. Our parents were facing lot of struggles to raise us, so they acted like that. We today live in a very convenient world raising very intelligent and smart kids we cant have the same style of parenting.. Parenting style too has to change to raise well behaved social individuals.. Isn’t it? 😊
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Yes, Lord!
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I grew up in the sixties and in catholic school, let me tell you, it was allowed back then for the nuns to use corporal punishment in new York City and it was not fun, plus when I got home, I got the spanking of my life because I got punishment in school. So I don’t have children, I don’t spank my nieces and nephews, rather I talk to them or give them time outs, I leave that to my siblings, they don’t spank them , rather they are stern with them.
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My sorry to hear about your pain dear… May god give you to strength to forgive and forget them.. We all have to try and create awareness to stop this kind of treatment to innocent little angels…
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